What Personal Struggles Have You Been Faced With During Your Lifetime?

 This post was written in response to the Storyworth prompt I received this week.

“What weaknesses do you struggle with the most?”

As I read the title for the story I am to write this week, my first thoughts were that I did not want to tackle this subject.  It wasn’t exactly that I didn’t have or hadn’t had weaknesses but I couldn’t see the value of listing issues that I perhaps have not yet overcome but should have by the seventh decade of life in which I am now living.  The title seemed to be asking me to reveal weaknesses that still plague me or things with which I still struggle. I started asking myself to define the words “weaknesses” and “struggles” in order to discern if a list of each would be the same or significantly different.  I have decided that these words are not synonyms.  Since I want my stories to be informative, honest and inspirational, I have changed the wording of the title to provide me with an opportunity to share some meaningful personal discoveries that have brought spiritual health for me.  You will now see an edited title for this new story.

 “WHAT PERSONAL STRUGGLES HAVE YOU BEEN FACED WITH DURING YOUR LIFETIME?”

I suppose to address this issue I will start by owning the fact that I struggled in childhood and into my early teens with an unwillingness to accept the physical way God created me.  I would say I had self image issues.  If I heard the word “big” once, I heard it about a million times!!!  It started at birth apparently when my mother was three weeks overdue with me.  I weighed 10 lbs 3 1/2 oz’s and was 23” long - supposedly the longest girl baby that had been born in the Gunderson Lutheran Hospital in La Crosse, WI up until that time.  And then, when my mother saw me for the first time, she said my blanket was wrapped around me in such a way that one hand poked out under my chin in a way that exaggerated its size so my mother thought there was something wrong with me.  From that start I continued to grow faster it seems than other girls and boys my age so I was always the tallest in my class and sometimes the tallest in my school even though not the oldest.  And whenever someone would comment on my size, they would exclaim about how “big” I was not how “tall” I was.  My father made me shake hands with other farmers so they could experience my size and grip.  Of course those men were exuberantly shocked.  I could not be fitted at the Woolworths Five and Dime for a birthstone ring like my sisters were able to be because there weren’t any rings large enough for my finger though my mother took me to several different stores hoping to find a ring that fit but with no success.  And then there was my growing foot size.  I wore size 9 shoes in the fourth grade so when I needed a larger size than that, there were no girl options.  Girl shoes only went to size 9 1/2.  

Moving Day Memories...

Moving days are not easy.  Most often John and I have rented a U-Haul or Ryder truck, loaded ourselves with the help of very kind friends and driven away with John driving the truck and me driving our car.  Our first out of state move was from Racine, WI to Loomis, NE in September 1972.  Our only child for that move was fifteen month old John Groves Worden.  We had a harness that attached to a strap that was installed in the back seat of our car.  He had some freedom with that harness but wasn’t completely loose. 

Three years later the next cross country move began with the loading of a Ryder truck on January 4, 1976 with the outdoor temperature at a cool -9 degrees Fahrenheit.  What kindness was shown us by the brave men who stayed at the task until it was completed. There was also help in completing all packing inside the house as well as feeding those who shared the experience with us.  For that move we had two sons, a station wagon and the truck.  

Before we could drive away from Loomis however, there was an important moving day stop to be made at the home of Alice Dahlstedt.   Alice was a single gal in her retirement years.  She was very devoted to the church and to our family.  She was especially fond of Johnny and he of her.  Apparently at some point, four year old Johnny had asked Alice about the wringer washing machine she had and used weekly that was kept in an enclosed porch at the back of her home.  She had promised him that she would show him how it worked and let him help her use it.  That had not yet happened but Alice wanted to keep her promise before we left town.  She was ready to demonstrate the wringer washer when we were able to stop and let our sons have this experience  at her home.  It was a memorable moment for all of us but made the leaving more emotional  than it already was.  We dearly loved those folks in Loomis, NE.

A Book Of Influence In My Life Other Than The Bible...

 A book of influence in my life other than the Bible.

This is a great idea for a story.  I do have a book that has made a difference for me in my life.  I heard of this book when I was 40 years old so I think I qualified as an adult at that time.  Now I just have to remember the exact title of the book.  Fortunately with help from my husband, we have the title.  It is THE FAMILY CRUCIBLE by Carl A. Whitaker and Augustus Y. Napier.  

I had just had my fortieth birthday when my husband was offered a job with the H.E.Butt Foundation which operated a Christian Camp and Conference Center in Texas.  The executive offices were in Kerrville, TX which was sixty-five miles northwest of San Antonio.  The site where the year-round adult retreats and summer children’s camps were conducted was on a 1,900 acre property in a canyon sixty-five miles west of Kerrville near Leakey, TX.  This place is absolutely beautiful and loved by all who work and go there for the retreats and camp experiences that are planned and operated by many dedicated employees.   My husband would be one of those employees for the next and last 29 years of his employed work life.  

This cross country move from Wisconsin to Texas would be our fourth cross country move to the fourth state in which we would live since our marriage in August 1966.  John had pastored three different Evangelical Free Churches following his seminary work at Trinity Evangelical Divinity School in Deerfield, IL.  During those seminary years we lived in Racine, WI where I had a job as a school librarian.  Our first son was born in nearby Kenosha, WI as we prepared to move to NE.  For three years John pastored Loomis Ev. Free Church in Loomis, NE and our second son was born in nearby Holdrege, NE during our years there.  From there we moved to Brooklyn, NY where John pastored First Ev. Free Church for four years and our daughter was born during our years there.  Then we returned to another pastorate in Delafield, WI at the Kettle Moraine Ev. Free Church.  After one year there, John took a position as the Director of Family Camping and Adult Ministries at Camp Timber-lee near East Troy, WI.  We would be there for four years before we moved to TX where John would continue with camping ministry through the HEButt Foundation.  He would have a number of different positions during his long career there and it would be a wonderful place for him to work and for our whole family to live.  

What I Was Like As A Teenager!!!

 What was I like as a teenager?  This question is going to be a challenge to answer so that I will be "accurate" even when that feels like "bragging" or "disparaging."  Neither of those responses will be what I will be attempting to illicit but I will be wanting to be truthful.  If I had been asked to answer this question as I entered my 20's, I would probably have answered much differently than I will answer it now as I look back from the many decades that I have lived since I left my teen years. 

Since I now know that I am a person who likes to operate with accuracy on most everything in my life, I will begin this story about my teenage years as I have my thirteenth birthday and will conclude as I complete my nineteenth year of life.  What I was like during those years is the question I will attempt to answer.  I have never been asked this question before so I am not sure what I will say as I reflect on a period of time which is quite far in the past for me but "here goes".

I turned thirteen years old on December 7, 1957 when I was in the seventh grade at Cross Ridge School.  I believe the photo below was taken during that school year.

When I look at myself in this photo, I can see that I have had a recent hair perm which Mom gave us girls before our school pictures were taken each year.  My hair is naturally straight.  I can tell that my middle front teeth are in though crooked  but there is a space on the left side of my jaw where teeth have not yet come in.  I had been in a car accident when I was four years old.  Six top baby teeth had been knocked out in that accident causing  damage in my jaw to the permanent teeth on each side of my two front teeth.  The tooth on the right came in but was smaller than normal and about the color of butternut squash.  Upon an x-ray to determine the cause of no tooth coming in on the left side when I was in fifth grade, it was found that an undeveloped tooth nubbin was lodged against the next tooth and preventing that tooth from coming in as a normal, healthy tooth.  The nubbin was surgically removed allowing the healthy tooth to come in during my eighth grade of school.  The effect of my compromised permanent teeth was that I felt significant shame about my looks.  I tried to keep my mouth closed or covered as much as possible to hide my missing and deformed teeth.