Remembering When My First Born Leaves the Nest...

When my first child left the nest, he was headed toward his freshman year of college. Of course this had been the plan since his very welcome birth on June 12, 1971. The photo below was taken in the hospital when he was 11 hours old! I was twenty-six years old and his father was twenty-eight years old. 

I was a school librarian and his Dad was commuting to Trinity Divinity School in Deerfield, IL to become an Evangelical Free Church Pastor. We lived in Racine, WI but he was born at St. Catherine’s Hospital in Kenosha, WI where my Dr. allowed husbands to be in the delivery room for the birth. That privilege was just beginning to be allowed and wasn’t yet available in Racine, WI.  I had chosen a Dr. that welcomed Dad’s to be part of the whole birth process.  John Worden IV was a very active little boy. His Grandma Worden suspected that he was ADHD as he careened through our home where everything breakable and treasured had been removed from coffee table tops as well as from all places that may be within his reach. But we loved that first born son dearly.  

We moved cross country several times before he left the nest. From Racine, WI we moved 700 miles to Loomis, NE. and were there for three years. While there we welcomed our second born child whom we named James but called him Jamie. Somehow Jamie survived life with his big brother.

From Loomis, NE we moved 1,700 miles away to Brooklyn, NY. There we welcomed our precious baby daughter, Sarah, and lived for four years which included kindergarten into grade 3 for Johnny.

From Brooklyn, NY we moved 1,000 miles to Hartland, WI for one year and then to Camp Timber-lee for four years including the rest of elementary and middle school for Johnny. The photos show favorite activities at Camp Timber-Lee - summer fishing and winter ice fishing.

In early 1985 our family moved to Kerrville, TX as John enters his high school years. He spent time deer hunting in the fall…

…joining other youth for a mission trip as a clown…

and participated in the outstanding Tivy High School band as a member of the trombone section.

Before this Mom knew it, the time had arrived for her first born to graduate from high school. Such an exciting night for this handsome young man.

It seems he has a big smile as he reaches this milestone in his life.

However it seems to be that his parents felt differently as they helped him celebrate the occasion. Could it be that they are completely exhausted? or are they thinking about the huge change this will be for our family? We were proud of our son but this photo lacks evidence of that actuality.

So time had flown by and a college for further education needed to be selected. During the Christmas vacation of 1988, our family drove to visit family in WI. While traveling we visited several Christian colleges. Those colleges were Trinity College in Deerfield, IL which is affiliated with the Evangelical Free Church of America. We also visited two schools in the Minneapolis St. Paul area. One was Bethel College and the other Northwestern College.  Of these three schools, John’s favorite seemed to be Northwestern College.  When we returned to TX, John applied to Northwestern and inquired about scholarships. Besides being in the high school band with his trombone, he also sang in the choir. Northwestern had a music scholarship which could be applied for with an on campus audition. John was very excited about scheduling a trip to St. Paul on a weekend in April, 1989 to apply for the scholarship and visit the school with students on campus which had not happened during the Christmas holiday visit. His Dad and I were aware that the cost of this school seemed out of reach for our family but we allowed him to make the trip to the campus.  

Northwestern College had been known to me since I was a 10 year old. The church I attended as a child encouraged children and teenagers to attend a week of Bible Camp each summer. That camp was called Camp Decorah and was held at a Boy Scout camp grounds near La Crosse, WI. The Boy Scouts used the grounds until mid August when it became a camp for Christians from a number of different churches. I had started attending this camp when I was 10 years old and continued each summer through age 18. It was so fantastic. All my sisters became campers when they were 10 years old also. It was so exciting to be at this camp with all the great speakers and counselors we had. Most of the cabin counselors were college students and many of them attended Northwestern College. I really looked up to those gals and thought they were truly awesome. I also began to think how terrific it would be if I could go to Northwestern College someday. My family was not able to consider that option for me so it was not a fulfillment of my dream but now I had a son looking into the possibility of attending there.

John had a weekend trip to St. Paul. As I picked him up at the airport after his weekend visit to Northwestern, his first words were, “There’s gotta be a way!!!”

He had had a fabulous weekend and couldn’t stop raving about all the things he loved about the place and all its potential. As he gushed and planned and hoped, I began to realize what this was going to mean for me and our family. He was going to move far away from us and we would only see him for big holidays. That was going to hurt even if it was a wonderful school and opportunity for him.

It turned out that there was a way. He got some music scholarship and financial aide. My part time teaching job became a full time teaching job and John made plans to attend Northwestern College starting in early September of 1989.

I had booked his September flight just before his high school graduation. I also booked a flight for myself to go with him. I couldn’t bear the thought of not being with him when he met his roommates and got settled into his dorm room.  As I concluded the purchase of our flights, I sank to my knees in the privacy of my bedroom and wept.  I knew the flights secured the process for my first born child’s transition out of my nest and I was grieving.  I knew it was what should and would happen but I wasn’t sure I was ready for it.  Those tearful moments were my major moments of grief.  I would face the next steps with more strength and grace.

As we were arriving at Northwestern that September, John said to me, “Mom, I have just one request of you.  Please don’t cry.”

I honored my son’s request.  We had a delightful, joyful weekend as he met his roommates and I met other parents experiencing the same moments as I was.  I truly did know that this school was exactly the right place for my first born son to be as he continued to grow from childhood’s nest to the more spacious freedom of a wider world.  He was entering a space ideally suited for him at that point and so was I.   Neither of us have regrets.