Some Disagreements With My Parents During High School...

What's something I really disagreed with my parents about?  That is rather difficult to consider because it seems there is a difference between disliking and disagreeing.  Parents have a very important role to play in the rearing of their children.  That role is perhaps more difficult for Christian parents who not only want to raise kind, respectful, smart, happy, well adjusted children but also want their children to become followers of Jesus as taught in the Bible.  Children seem to be born with a pretty strong stubborn streak that puts them in opposition to many of their parent's desires.  

In my case, I seemed to realize that my parents were doing their best to disipline and guide me and my siblings to be all of the things I listed in my opening paragraph.  They had these goals for their children because they practiced these ways of living themselves.  I had great models of how to live as a godly, loving and industrious person.  There was no doubt that my parents loved me and loved the Lord.

Though I probably realized my parents were working hard to make a living as dairy farmers with its financial and labor intensive challenges, there were many requirements for me that I did not "like".  Here are some of those things:
 1.  Helping with housework - vacuuming, dusting, mopping

2.  Helping with laundry - carrying clothes to the outside clothesline to hang for drying, taking it back in when dry and folding and ironing as necessary

3.  Helping in the kitchen - doing the dishes, setting the table, peeling potatoes, etc. etc.

4.  Gardening all summer - planting, weeding, harvesting, helping with canning, freezing etc. etc.

5.  Farm work outside - getting the cows from the pasture, carrying pails of milk to the milkhouse, cleaning the barn gutters, feeding hay, throwing down silage, helping with haying, thrashing, silo filling etc. etc.

6.  Helping to saw wood for the wood burning furnace and kitchen stove - even when the outside temperature was well below zero degrees!!!

7.  Getting up at 6:00 AM to help in the barn before getting picked up by the school bus for school.

Most of these tasks are what was expected of all farm children in the years when I was growing up.  I knew that my help was needed but I didn't "like" these jobs as a child.  I am quite sure I complained often and made sure my siblings were expected to do as much as I was being asked to do.  I probably was reluctantly compliant as well as verbally outspoken as I accomplished the tasks I was asked to do.   I am grateful that my parents realized that their children needed some "fun and freedom" in their lives so gave us some free time when our chores were finished.  And we didn't work on Sundays with anything other than milking the cows.  We often had visits with our church friends at their homes or ours.

Now for an area of disagreement with my parents.  My parents had both become Christians as teenagers though they did not know each other when that happened.  Each of them was very grateful to learn of the free gift of salvation that Jesus spoke of in John 3:16  "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten son that whosoever believes in him, will not perish but have everlasting life."

My parents did believe and did begin faithfully reading the Bible, attending church, having friendships with other Christians and practicing the lifestyle they believed God wanted them and their family to follow.  This lifestyle included the following elements which had an impact on me and my siblings - no wearing make-up or most jewelry, no short shorts, and no shaving legs.  Also no dancing, no drinking, no movies, no playing cards and no dating non-Christians.  As I entered my teen years, some of these rules were not easy to understand or accept.  Because these rules made me stand out in unwanted ways with my school friends, I mostly complied but did not agree with these choices for me.  All girls at that time wore skirts or dresses to school every day.  With that style, the hair on my legs was very embarrassing.  I often sat in my desk at school with my legs crossed and my skirt pulled over them.  I applied lipstick by using a red crayon to "paint" my lips.  It was difficult for me to answer the questions I got about "why" I couldn't wear make-up or shave my legs.  I blamed my parents for those decisions and did my best to avoid having to answer those who thought I was weird.  

The time came, however, that I decided to take matters into my own hands with the hair on my legs.   One day I got up in the middle of the night and found my Dad's razor in the one bathroom our home had and started shaving my legs.  I had no lather or lotion.  It kinda hurt.  And maybe I was making a little noise because before I finished, the bathroom door opened and my mother looked at me and asked, "What are you doing?  Shaving your legs?"  I looked at her and answered, "Yes."  She said nothing further, turned around, closed the door and left.  A few days later, the tables were turned.  I opened the door of our one bathroom and found my mother shaving her legs.  I was shocked and asked, "Mom, what are you doing?"  And her answer was immediate and clear, "I decided if you can't fight 'em then join 'em!"  And that was the end of the disagreement with my parents about girls shaving their legs.

My mother was able to see how important it was to listen to the Lord and listen to her children.  If the matter was Biblically clear on an issue, my parents held to that truth.  If the matter was in an area that wasn't Biblically clear, they were willing to listen to our desires and make their decisions based on what was appropriate in each matter.  I was grateful that Mom didn't always follow what the church expected of its members if it was in an area that she discerned differently.  Because of this, I was able to go to a theater during my senior year of high school to watch 'The Robe'.  Mom had read that book as a young woman and knew how interesting the story was.  I was able to attend with my best girlfriend and we really liked it.  My parents also allowed me to attend the Homecoming dance at our high school the year I was a senior because I had been selected as a member of the queen's court.

I am very grateful for my parents and the way they raised me.  I am happy that I have wonderful memories of my high school years even though I was restricted in some areas of involvement with friends.  Most of my friends respected my choices and we were able to do many other things together that I was allowed to do.  

Though my parents became Christians during an era when Christians were taught to refrain completely from things that could be considered "sinful", they adjusted at times in order to operate as I would later practice in my life as a mother of teenagers and that was to engage in all gray areas of life in moderation and with an eye on the importance of obeying the commandment to honor your father and mother. Even more importantly is to be an example to the world as a person who honors the Lord most of all as Jesus taught when he said,  "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.  This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is like it:  Love your neighbor as yourself.  All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."